Lately, I've been going through a lot of bollywood critic's videos on YouTube and one thing that most have is how, even people like R D Burman, copied western music.

I don't watch TV because it mostly consists of drama. But, there are some comedy shows. I know a few Hindi ones and one Marathi show and I'll admit, all of them are funny. But, there's a difference between PJs and actual jokes.

Most of the comedy shows are reality shows that have partners who present sketches or so. Comedy nights with Kapil is one show I know that has a bit of stand up comedy and sketches too. And when I first heard from a friend that it has stand up comedy, I was pretty surprised. And by the way, this show is pretty much the only comedy show that every family watches and it makes me sad that this is their idea of funny.

If you've ever seen stand up comedy, you'll know that it's basically telling jokes, without props or anything of that sort, with hand gestures and voice changes etc. and the world's #1 stand up comedian right now, Russell Peters, is Indian. Of course, these jokes are to be told in a proper way, you can't just memorize a bunch of random jokes and tell them.

And what I've seen in a lot of stand up comedy shows, Indian and otherwise, is that it has a lot of audience participation. Its not like the audience is called on the stage, but they do speak to different people in the audience and make jokes on them etc.

But this show, it's as if the entire thing was set up just for "Paaji". There is no improv comedy based on the audience, it's entirely scripted.

And there's another show. I haven't really seen it on TV but I saw a few videos on YouTube. It was Rising Stars of Comedy on NDTV. That show had actual stand up comedy with Indian comedians from various laughter clubs across the country. All they put on YouTube were 10 minute clips and yet there are so many videos of that show. That means, there's no shortage of stand-up comedy in India.

And all of them are funny. And they talk about the life of Indians, maybe a few racist jokes, political jokes but all of that is much funnier than the sketches of Comedy Nights with Kapil. Why? Because the entire show is based on cheap jokes. The show is based on really bad puns, and the kind of shitty jokes that are popular on Whatsapp.

And I still don't understand how this show is so popular, and an actual funny show, with real stand up comics is still unknown to the majority. And the worst part of Comedy Nights with Kapil is "Paaji" laughing. We get it, you're getting paid to laugh. But enough, he laughs at the most absurd things. It's as if his sense of humor is so messed up, he'll even laugh at "hello". And what's worse is that they have a mic near him. Which means, the viewers have to put up with this guy laughing for no reason.

If you want to laugh, check out Russell Peters, Vir Das, Kunal Rao, Sorabh Pant, Sanjay Manaktala, Jeevashu Aluhwalia, Sahil Shah, Varun Grover, Azeem Banatwala, Atul Khatri, Maheep Singh, Angad Singh Ranyal, Neeti Palta, and there's many more. And this is just the names I got from YouTube. Just half of what you can watch on TV. And their improv comedy is so much more better and funnier than the scripted comedy of any other comedy show.

It's more of a social obligation to celebrate this one day. I say obligation because that's what everyone talks about when you go to school/work on the 2nd. Everyone boasts how awesome their party was and something like that.

But I fail to understand the motive behind the hype. For one, you end up spending your entire Christmas bonus in one night. Second, people are EVERYWHERE. That means, if you want to reach a restaurant by 9, you have to leave your house 2 hours before.

And well, since people are everywhere, you have to wait at restaurants/clubs/etc.

Of course, it's mostly just grown-ups that get to celebrate. But, even the kids are hyper before midnight on the 31st. Then, when it's midnight, they wish everyone by text, calls, Whatsapp, Facebook (can't meet in person because they're still kids) and everyone's really happy for 15 - 30 minutes.

After that, we all realize that that's it. We realize our holidays are about to end and we need to start studying again. So, that's it. The hype is about 15 - 30 minutes.

Even worse, in my opinion, are the cheesy messages you receive. Most ironical, as far as I know, is the fact that you get messages saying "May this year be full of joy...blah blah...and all your wishes come true." from people you haven't even heard from in months.

And the worst of all is the fact that this day or transition from one year to another does not count for anything. It amounts to nothing, at least in India. If you think about it, you'll realize, our fiscal year starts in April. (Source) And our academic year begins in June (for schools) and July (for colleges).

So, there is no apparent reason for celebrating.

We all know it as the idiot box. Something that keeps us addicted all day long, with multiple channels and hundreds of ways of attracting us. TVs today have reality shows from all over the world, educational shows, daily and weekly soaps from all over the world, movies (national and international), news, music and miscellaneous.

In India, we have different DTH providers (Satellite TV, in case you don't know) and some of them provide games through their set-top boxes.

A lot of DTH services also have a recording feature now. Which means, you can record your favourite shows and watch it again and again, like a VCR (which, I think, never came to India)

Serials are a BIG part of any Indian household. It is one aspect where parents are more addicted than children. And these serials are down to the earth stupid. These directors, they know how addictive their serials are and how many viewers they will get.

Because, in all fairness, Indians are a bad judge for movies. There are a few good critics, and teens nowadays have started hating some bollywood movies. But, parents, no. They will hate every movie, song, serial their kid watches but whatever shit they put on their Hindi serial channel, they will watch it.

That's how an average Indian household is. All day long, the mom does her chores, dad goes out to work. Then, when the first serial starts airing, she will glue herself to the couch while waiting for the dad. And when he comes home, after missing 1 or 2 serials, she will tell him what happened. She only tells him 50% and he only understands 25% but he's still excited about the serial no matter how shitty it is.

So, they don't discriminate, they could put ANYTHING on that channel, as long as it doesn't have nudity and constant swearing, parents will watch it. Something educational, something that spreads awareness about a sensitive issue, something citizens should know about the country or stuff like that.

But, no.

You know what they show?

Typical Hindi serials:

Guy is richer than God. Marries a pretty girl who doesn't have a job (hence spreading the message that girls are gold diggers) then she just works in the kitchen all day (Yes, another stereotype that needs to change now)

Huge family in one house. The most elder person in charge of everything however, the male adult often goes against the elder, and ends up getting slapped, in slow motion, 5 - 6 times, depending on the director.

All have dinner together (which fucking encourages parents to call their kids to have dinner with them, while they watch this shit and give excuses like "As a family, we should spend more time together") and naturally, the women are just serving food to the men. Then, there's a discussion going on, usually something to lighten the mood, or sometimes overly serious based on some recent problem in the house. But when a woman voices her opinion, the men shut her down. (promoting a male dominated society)

Discrimination against women is a serious issue in India, and very very sensitive. Even I don't joke about it. I was just on a class trip to a city far from home and I saw first hand what the females go through in public places.

And these serials just encourage the crowd. Yes, I know, TV serials are for entertainment and they aren't to be taken seriously, but, that's the thing, they are taken seriously here. If you watch some reality shows where celebrities from these soaps are called for talking, you'd find out. I was watching one of these shows and a lady, who played the villain in a serial, was talking.

She said that she and her husband went to a house in their neighbourhood where someone had just passed away to pay their respect. And when they reached, the women of that house called her to a room inside. Inside, it's all private, all the relatives of the dead person were gathered and then one of them says "why do you trouble the main character so much?"

A person is dead, and all they can think about is a serial, plus, they even think that she's a real villain.

This is the kind of hold that TV has on Indians, why don't they use it to spread some good message? It'd be a lot better than the drama they spread to every house.

Hating Bollywood music, yet loving music itself, I had no other option than surfing YouTube for international music (various genres) or even less popular, yet good, Indian music which wasn't associated with Bollywood.

I came across a lot of types, some were excellent, most songs of the genre were addictive. Some were just good, one or two songs were addictive. And some were completely out of my taste.

Not restricting myself to Indian music, I had a lot to talk to other music lovers from around the world. This brought many new songs to my attention, one of the songs being Skrillex - Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites.

Well, when I first heard it, it was just noise to me. But after a month or so, I found it to be pretty addictive. I went on to listen to other songs of the same genre; dubstep.

Now, I was at a point where the usual rock was boring and mainstream. And, I wasn't that much into metal either, back then. So, dubstep was like my new favourite genre.

And so, it became all I ever heard. My phone and computer playlist was full of dubstep. I would stream dubstep mixes on YouTube, look for dubstep remixes of my old favourites etc.

My close friends, who share my hatred for Bollywood music, did listen to the dubstep tracks I recommended and would even find a new track and recommend it to me. But, the other friends or people around me were completely against this genre.

They thought it wasn't real music and that I was pretty crazy to listen to it most of the times. Being a dubstep fan, I still agree that it's not music, in my opinion at least. However, it is sound, and it is entertaining, which is what music is about, most of the times, so I saw no harm in saying it was my favourite genre.

It's been a few years since then, and their thoughts haven't changed.

What re? Why don't you listen to some real music?

That's coming from someone who only listens to Yo Yo Honey Singh, Bollywood and a bit of One Direction.

So, naturally, I gave up on convincing my friends to listen to dubstep.

A few days ago, however, I saw this video while looking for dubstep.


And now, dubstep is the new cool. Everyone is listening to this song, saying it's awesome. Some have even tried other dubstep tracks, while some just stick to this one. I'm pretty sure there will be more dubstep songs in Bollywood in the movies to come, but, why is it that whatever Bollywood does is the trend in India?

Dubstep was widely used for ads and as EDM long before this song, all over the world, but, Indians never liked it. But, one movie uses it and suddenly, they're in love with it.

If tomorrow there's a song that supports male domination in society and raping, would that be considered 'cool'? Will that be the new trend?

There's this really annoying song in this movie, 'Aata majhi satalki'. It's based on the catchphrase in both movies, 'Aata majhi satakli' which the main character says when he becomes angry.


And the singer of this highly "incredible" song is none other than Yo Yo Honey Singh.

Fight-fight, fight like Bruce Lee
Fight-fight, fight like Bruce Lee
Fight-fight, fight like Bruce Lee
Fight-fight, fight like Bruce Lee...

Please, Bruce Lee was a legend. Bajirao Singham is a result of poor editing and a mixture of Bollywood and Tollywood. There's light years of difference between


and

Mera solah (16) ka dola, chiaalis (46) ki chaati
Seedhi baat bolun, baatein ghumani nahi aati
(Aata Majhi Satakli)

My bicep is sixteen (inches)
and the chest is forty six (inches)
I'm straightforward,
I don't know how to say things in a circular way
I am going mad now.

Eh, might be true. You never know what kind of drugs he can afford with a bollywood salary.

Jigra hai tiger
Dimag se hyper
Aata majhi satakli
To goli maarun jaise sniper
Aata Majhi Satakli

My heart is that of tiger,
I've a short temper
When I go mad now,
I shoot like a sniper.
I am going mad now.

The writers were so desperate for a rhyme, they actually used the word sniper. I don't think a single Bollywood movie has ever portrayed a sniper. No, a sniper-like character in Bollywood movies is a guy with such inhumane aim and accuracy, that he can do the job of a sniper, with a 9mm, from twice as far.

Goli maare jaise sniper, yes!
Mera balma hai tiger, true!
Mera balma hai tiger, correct!
Arey very very hyper!
Aata Majhi Satakli

He shoots like a sniper, yes,
my beloved is a tiger, true.
my beloved is a tiger, correct.
Very very hyper.
Going mad now.

Kareena butts in by flattering Ajay but, of course, he shows no reaction.





She says, he shoots like a sniper. Ah yes,

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy..

I am going mad..
I am feeling mad.. 

Calm down bruh.

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy..

I am going mad..
I am feeling mad.. 

Alright.

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy..

Not even gonna translate.

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy.. 

Nobody gives a shit.

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy..

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy..

Let me make something clear. This is not a fucking hook/chorus. This is exactly like











and a million more shitty songs.

Majha mardaniraaya re
Yachi waghachi kaaya re
Bheet naahi konala re
Assa Marathi chaava re
Aata Majhi Satakli

My manly king..
his body is like a lion,
he's not afraid of anyone..
Such a Marathi stud he is..

In the entire movie, he spouts like 20 Marathi words, and he's a "Marathi stud". My NRI cousin speaks more Marathi than he does.

Angry young man
Mi aahe majhashi lafda.. naay naay
Todun na taaken haat paay
When Aata Majhi Satakli
Bolo mujhe bye bye!

Angry young man,
If you fight with me,
I'll break your hands and legs..
When I go mad,
just say bye to me.

I had heard of Hinglish, Minglish and Mindi. But this, this is diabolical.

Another thing this "verse" tells us is that Yo Yo Honey Singh, like 90% of Indian students, is a parrot by profession. (Obviously, you can't call his singing/rapping professional) He doesn't understand a word of Marathi, and he just memorized these lines.

Aata Majhi Satakli -
mala raag yetoy 

I'll just order a pizza and finish it till the beginning of the next "verse".

So far, what we've understood is that,
1) Yo Yo Honey Singh himself doesn't know what he "raps" about.
2) Only job Kareena Kapoor has in this video is to make it slutty so that the video is still good enough even when the song is muted.
3) Ajay Devgan is worse than a PMS-ing teenager.

Slow down - mala raag yetoy
Calm down - mala raag yetoy
Slow down - mala raag yetoy
Calm down - Mala Raag Yetoy!

Have you tried giving him chocolate? As far as I know, it works.

Ata Majhi Satakli
mala raag yetoy

Alright, I'm done with this song.

Well, as you would expect, the songs that an Indian radio station can play are limited. (Because, there are next to no good hindi bands and even if there were, the RJs only ever play Bollywood songs) So, they just play latest Bollywood songs, one after the other.

This past month, I've had a lot of problems with my hard disk and operating systems so, I spent a lot of time listening to the radio. And, seriously, in 2 hours of listening to one radio station, 4 - 5 songs are repeated at least twice. That's saying a lot because in 2 hours (120 minutes) only 30 songs are played.

You'd think that's pretty good, considering how a lot of Bollywood songs are 4 minutes long, but no, RJs stop the song after 2 minutes and start their trash talk.

It's not like they even talk about anything important. Mostly just promotion of their shitty competitions like "Blockbuster Thursdays", "Blue carpet" or some gift hampers for Diwali.

This really pissed me off because, radio exists for 2 reasons. Music and a medium of spreading social awareness for any topic.

But Indian radio is now like YouTube. Ads pop-up all over your music.

If the radio stations can't generate enough money through sponsors (or whatever it is that gets them money) they should just disband instead of selling their stations to ads.

Because, when do people even listen to the radio? When they're stuck in traffic, or while cooking (like my mom does) or maybe when internet is down and you have no good music on your phone or computer (like the hard disk deprived kid I have become). And I'm sure we turn on the radio expecting a song. But, no. After say 3 - 4 minutes of music, there's a 10 - 15 minute ad break. And, these ads are the same shitty ones. The same god damn ads after every song.

No wonder kids remember all the ads so well. We're bombarded with ads.

And if you think you're good enough to evade ads and listen to music on another station, I'm sorry. That doesn't work. These stations are in cahoots. They play music at the same fucking time. And then they all go back to their main purpose, advertising. There are 4 radio stations in my city, all of which I can listen to without static from almost anywhere in my house, but all 4 have synchronized music times.

And RJs are no different either. I remember when I was 5 or 6, and I used to listen to the programmes on radio, like conversations between RJs and the audience or some celebrity. But, those programmes are gone. The only thing these fake RJs do is, prank call random strangers and fool them, which by the way, is definitely scripted. Because, no person who just got pranked on radio will just laugh and say "Oh you got me", he'll definitely rage and scream "BC".

So, out of 60 minutes, we get like 10 minutes of music. And the music is such that it really doesn't seem worth the ads. I'm not expecting it to be anywhere near Stairway to Heaven but it's just Bollywood. And, even in Bollywood, there are some beautiful Hindi songs, but no. Bollywood is now all about shitty Punjabi wanna-be rappers who think they're good. 1/5 songs is Hindi nowadays, which gets played almost never.

Instead of all this, I'd much rather not have this piece of shit.

If you've been reading my posts till now, you should have understood that I don't particularly like Bollywood movies, songs etc. and there are a lot of things about the country itself that I don't like.

A lot of my friends, that like all these things, often tell me that I'm unpatriotic, or that I should be ashamed of calling myself Indian. Well, according to me, I just hate all these things because, I know we can do a lot better. Bollywood has capital and talent (to some extent) but most of the public has low expectations, so, they just do the bare minimum.

And it is true, I prefer foreign movies and music over Indian. And when I say foreign, I mean any country, not necessarily America or UK. I like watching the mainstream "superhero" movies (like any geek would) and I enjoy rock/metal music. There are some Indian bands that I like, but, they aren't as popular as Bollywood songs which is weird because they're a lot better.

Apart from that, I find foreign languages even more interesting. I haven't actually seen a movie that was in a foreign language, but I was a frequent Anime watcher. The same applies to music, I like listening to foreign songs.

So, when one of my friends (Bollywood fangirl) heard me talking shit about Bollywood music and it's weird lyrics, she pointed out that I listen to raps, Spanish pop, Reggaeton, dubstep and a bit of EDM, which is like the international version of Bollywood (less than talented people making money off of stereotypical young adults, staying in business no longer than 10 years)

Yeah, I do like EDM and dubstep, but that's just because it's addictive and a good kind of music to have in background while I'm gaming or solving math etc. But, she wouldn't let go because she knew the Spanish songs I listen to and the Bollywood music I look down upon have similar lyrics.

Well, here it is,

I like hearing/watching weird and funny shit that I don't understand.

But, it's true. When you listen to a song in a foreign language, you don't care about the lyrics, in your head, you're just laughing at how weird the language sounds like.

Don't deny it, we all think every other language other than the ones we speak sound weird and funny.

And that's exactly what I do, I just listen to the weird song, not caring about the lyrics, keeping up with the trash beats that are addictive and trying my best to sing along.

But, you can't do that with a Bollywood song. As soon as you start listening to one, you immediately figure out what the lyrics mean,

So, it's not unpatriotic to not like your country's entertainment, or preferring a different country's entertainment.

Another popular song nowadays is Lovely.

Main lovely ho gayiaan
Naam tera padh ke, naam tera padh ke

I've become lovely,
having read your name, having read your name.

Ghar aaya mera sohna sajan

Ghar aaya mera... haaye sohna sajan

My beautiful beloved came home,
Oh, my beautiful beloved came home..

So, his home is a strip club.

Ye jo bangle hai re laal colour ki
Tere liye hi khan-khan kar ke
In haathon mein naache jaaye re
Inhein nasha chadha hai tera
Tu ban ja aashiq mera
Tune chhua hai aise
Main kamli...

This bangle of red color that is there,
it jingles for you,
and dances in these hands,
They have got your intoxication,
You become my lover..
You have touched me in such a way
that I have gone mad..

We really should get tips from SRK.

Pa-pa-paaya ankhaan 'ch kaajal
Mainu vekh ke ho gi o paagal
Photo khench autograph set
Instagram pe like kari jaave pic haaye

She's put kohl in her eyes, (for make up)
Looking at me she's gone mad
Having taken photo and autograph,
she keeps liking the pics on instagram.

So, whorish make-up. And, she's liking her own pics on instagram.

Poora intezaam hai
Ye jo shaam hai
Kal subah tak tere naam hai
Aankhon se dil ye batlaaye re
Kal na hogi ye raatein
Kar le dil ki do baatein
Ik teri hi khaatir main pagli ho gayiaan

There is complete arrangement,
This evening that is there,
is for you till tomorrow morning..
This heart says with the eyes,
these nights won't be there tomorrow,
Let's talk with love a bit,
Just for you, I have gone mad..

The "No tomorrow" attitude again.

India, a country where


is banned but


is perfectly fine.

Altogether, it's a bad song, mostly because of the voice of the singer, a little because of the lyrics. Video is good though :)

I admit, I've never heard of this movie before but this song is pretty popular on the radio and TV.


In the video, Sonam Kapoor just dances like a retard in a pretty high-class party.

Darwaaze ko kundi maaro
Koi na bach ke jaane paaye
DJ ko samjha do,
music ghalti se bhi ruk na jaaye
Thaka thaka jo feel kare wo jaake dou RedBull gatak le
Aur jisko dance nahi karna
Woh jaake apni bhains charaye

Lock the doors
No one should escape
Tell the DJ
The music must go on
Those who are tired, go drink RedBull
And those who don't dance
Go graze your buffalo

 Besides using wrong Hindi at places, nothing is wrong here...oh wait,

Aur jisko dance nahi karna
Woh jaake apni bhains charaye

I never dance on any occasion but I've never been told to graze a buffalo o.O

Bas aaj ki raat hai
Kal se wohi siyaape hain

It's just tonight's night
It's mourning from tomorrow

I don't know why every party song has this "last night on earth" attitude. I mean, everyone pretty much ends up regretting what they did that night because of that attitude...do they learn nothing? I remember reading that those who learn from their mistakes are fools, but those who learn from others' mistakes are wise...well, what of these scumbags who don't learn from their own mistakes?

Jee bhar ke naach lo
Na ghar waale na maape hain

Dance to your heart's content
No family or parents here

So, it's fine to make a complete fool of yourself in front of strangers but not in front of people you know...yeah, I agree with that for some reason.

 Yeh toh bas shuruaat hai
(Yeh toh bas shuruaat hai)
Arey abhi toh party shuru hui hai..
Arey abhi toh party shuru hui hai..
Yeh toh bas shuruaat hai

This is just the beginning
(This is just the beginning)
The party's just started
The party's just started
This is just the beginning

Other than repeating the same lyrics again and again (because whoever enjoys listening to this is clearly retarded enough to not understand it the first time) these words are based on the cliché dialogue "Yeh toh bas trailer hai, picture abhi baki hai" hence proving that Bollywood is based on repetition of the same old stuff, with new actors and worse scripts.

Baad mein na kehna kuch bhi
Pehle hi de doon warning
Party chalegi till six in the morning

Don't say anything later
I'll give you a warning right now
The party will go on till six in the morning

Yes, party till six. The law says you can't have loud music playing after 10 PM and they're going to party till six. Bollywood is sending a good message to the youth listening to this.

Jee bhar ke naach le baby
Naach naach ke tod de sandal

Dance to your heart's content baby
Dance and dance till you break your sandal

I don't anyone, including guys, wears sandals to a party. You'd have to be a pretty lazy and ignorant idiot to under-dress so much.

Aunty police bula legi to
Yaar tera kar lega handle

If aunty calls the police
Your man will handle the situation

Another good message to all the girls listening to this song. "You can fuck up as much as you want, your boyfriend is there to patch it all up."

Jisko apni jaan pyaari
Chup-chaap wo floor pe aaye
Floor pe aake naache gaaye

Who hold their lives dear
Get on the dance floor
Dance or sing on the floor

...so now they're threatening to get on the dance floor. Just to show you how wrong this sounds, this is the general crowd at this party

Sharm ko kar de bye bye
Michael Jackson waale
Do teen action karke dikhaye

Say bye bye to shyness
Show us two or three
Michael Jackson's steps

I'm not a fan of MJ but please don't disrespect him by including him in your crappy song. This is the same as LMFAO using Led Zeppelin in their song.

Party karni hai (ho!)
Hum party karenge (ho!)

We want to party (yes!)
Then we'll party (yes!)

Yes. "We do whatever the hell we want!" another good message. And then adults get mad at kids when they

1. Backtalk to them
2. Cause mischief
3. Cheat in exams
4. Bunk classes
5. List goes on...

The Indian government is out there banning stuff like Shin-chan (the censored version) and other good things, and no action being taken for songs like this where children are taught to live a rebel life. Good going.

The video starts with "You are never to old to play with Baby Doll" So apparently, Sunny Leone is baby doll, and you are never to old to 'play' with her. People that admire this song and video are the same people that like pages like 'Women are not objects' on Facebook.

It's just entertainment but that's a pretty sensitive issue in India, not to be toyed with.

Sone sone patole lakhaan
Sone sone patole yeah...
Ae takdiyaan rehndiyaan aankhaan
Ae takdiyaan rehndiyaan..

There are hundreds of thousands of beautiful girls,
So many beautiful girls,
These eyes keep watching,
They keep watching.

So, the singer here has a harem of many girls and he keeps watching. Yet another 'women = objects' scenario and I bet this singer supports the feminists.

Yo soniyo, she put up a show
Unless I’m impress, Baby I gotta go
I won’t mind tell you that I take your floor
But tonight no bites
Cause the wife will know 

Soniyo means beautiful girl, rest is understood.

So, again, he expects her to entertain him, or he's leaving. And then he says no biting tonight or his wife will find out.

Main ki dassaan apni ve
Ae chan karda hai tareefa
Ho mere husn de kone.. kone kone di
Ho kone kone di..
O Baby doll mai sone di
O Baby doll main sone di

What do I tell about myself,
this world keeps praising -
every nook and corner of my beauty..
of my every nook and corner..
I am a golden baby doll..
I am a golden baby doll..

The world keeps praising every nook and corner of her beauty, of her every nook and corner.

Well, most of the people have seen 'every nook and corner' of her so, no surprise there.

Ye duniya, ye duniya pittal di
Ye duniya pittal di..
Ho babydoll main sone di..

This is a world of brass
And I'm a baby doll of gold

She feels superior because she's beautiful...





What she doesn't know is, all the others who have achieved something will forever have it. Her beauty will be stale in the next decade or so.

Chamka chamka meriyaan
Main cham cham karke chamka
Laava Zandu Balm ji nachde
Nachde paijan damkaan

My brightness shines,
I shine with shining.
Get me Zandu balm,
while dancing, my anklets shine..

It's her superiority complex again. She wants him to apply balm on her feet to make them shine.

Mere hi charche
Meriyaan hi gallaan
Jag sara karda ni baar baar ve

My discussions,
my talks alone,
this world is keeping on doing repeatedly..

More of her superiority. Someone needs to take her down a notch.

Khul jaavan sadke
Chum lende vadh ke
Main taan sharmavaan haay baar baar ve

I'll open
if you come ahead and kiss me,
I feel shy, again and again..

SHE'S GOING TO FEEL SHY? SHE ROAMS AROUND HALF NAKED FOR THE WHOLE VIDEO BUT SHE'S GOING TO FEEl SHY IF HE KISSES HER

So, throughout the song, she first tells the crowd that she's a toy that anyone can play with. And even the male singer says she's just an object.

But then suddenly, she's the only thing that matters. Everyone else is brass and she's gold. Even the male singer agrees to do what she wants.

This is not a plot twist, it's poor song writing. And of course, it's a punjabi song. I swear, 50% of Bollywood music today is Punjabi. We know who to blame for that, and hate post incoming.

Since I started ranting about bollywood, I decided to go for bollywood music as well.

Today's song:


Oh yay...this couple again. Looks like all the stupidity jokes weren't enough for her to quit acting. Well, let's hope that they do the trick before her next movie.

I'm not going to bother discussing what's wrong with the video...I'm not that jobless, but let's start with the lyrics.

Woo..!
Pehla ta kudi ne Ludhiana vi ni tappeya si
Tappeya si..
Pehla ta kudi ne Ludhiana vi ni tappeya
Puchhe bina gharo baahr per vi ni rakheya
Jado di madam ji shehar vich aai
Bas party diya galla kar di rehndi eh
Kudi Saturday Saturday kardi rendi eh
Kudi Saturday Saturday kardi rendi eh

Okay...another Punjabi song. Well, I looked it up and the translation is somewhat

The girl hadn’t even gone outside Ludhiana before this
The girl hadn’t even gone outside Ludhiana before this
She wouldn’t even put a step outside her home without asking elders/parents
But since the girl/madam has come to the city
She only talks about parties
The girl keeps on talking about Saturday

So basically, she used to be a good kid back when she was in Ludhiana (a city in Northern India) then she came to the city for college and became a party hoe.

Saturday Saturday
Kudi Saturday Saturday
Kudi Saturday Saturday
Kudi Saturday Saturday
Kudi Saturday Saturday

Stupid chorus.

Hanji fir ek baar dekho aaya shanivaar
Party karne ke liye baby ji ho gayi taiyyar

Look, it's saturday again
Baby's ready to start partying

So, yeah, like established earlier, she's a party hoe and only looks forward to saturdays.

Sarojni ke kapde pehen ke jaati madam disco
VIP me complimentary shots bhi de do isko

She goes to the disco wearing Sarojni's clothes
Give her complimentary shots in the VIP

 ...does she even know who Sarojini is? Or what kind of clothes she wore?

Sarojini Naidu

Alia Bhatt

If you're going to make a dumb song, at least don't disrespect one of India's most respected women.

Isko gaadi chahiye lambi
Usme music chahiye LOUD

She wants a car that's long
And it must have music that's loud

Are we really sure it's a long car that she wants? Cuz, given her reputation and the flow of this song...it could be something else...

Ye jaati mehenge club me
Jahaan hota dhang ka CROWD

She goes to an expensive club
Where there's a certain crowd

Well, obviously, you go to a cheap club wearing clothes like that, you're gonna end up as the headline of next day's newspaper...and not in a good way. And, she wants a good crowd...figures...

Ludhiyane se aai ladki university padhti hai
Kehti to hai student hai, But I DOUBT!

The girl from Ludhiana goes to university
She says she's a student, but I doubt!

Whole movie revolves around the fact that they're in the same university (or something) and this is what the song has. Hence proving, the song writers have nothing to do with the movie. They suck separately.

Mundeya de palle vi tu chadeya ni kakh
Jado Sunday Monday kare tera jhutte khanda lakk

You have left the boys with nothing
Your waist swings right to left while you walk

So, boys that go after her are now broke...she's also a gold digger.

Aati Honda mein, Audi mein jati tu khisak
Suck.. suck.. Baby What the F***

She comes in a Honda, leaves in an Audi
Suck.. suck.. baby what the f***

She comes in a shitty car and leaves with some rich guy's Audi cuz gold digger. And.. was that censor really required...?

Apart from that, the song is pretty similar, describing a party girl who gets everyone's attention because of her clothes and behaviour.

P.S: 1) If that video was posted on Redtube, it wouldn't be removed. 
2) She wears more sets of clothes in a 3 minute video than I do in an entire week
3) Yes, this is like a Hindi Musical Autopsy, let me know if I should continue doing this.

I just realised I haven't raged at Bollywood yet, well, incoming!

Let's start with the basics...what is up with the name? Bollywood. It's pronounced as ball-y-wood. 'Ball-y' is bad enough but, 'wood'?

You know what ball-y wood looks like?


Well jokes apart. That's a pretty bad name. And it's nothing related to India either. There's no different meaning to it in Hindi or anything.

The general sequence of every romantic movie...

1. This:


But, yeah, there are a lot of ads before the movie begins.

2. One good-looking hero and heroine.

3. Either boy is rich or girl is rich. And the other is dirt poor.


4. The girl hates the guy at first,


Yet, love blossoms out of hate. (more like the guy pesters her till she loves him)


5. A father (the girl's father most of the times) opposing the relationship due to cultural differences or family feuds






and eventually sets her up with someone else a.k.a the villain.



6. Action scene between the two guys


even if not that,





OR

in a non-action movie, the heroine runs away with the hero, in a stupid manner.


7. Credits roll while they're celebrating or getting married.

8. Bloopers if it's a YRF movie.