Special thanks to Harshvardhan for helping me conduct the research.

I've been meaning to write about this for quite a while but somehow I always forgot.

Lately, I've been going through a lot of bollywood critic's videos on YouTube and one thing that most have is how, even people like R D Burman, copied western music.

I don't watch TV because it mostly consists of drama. But, there are some comedy shows. I know a few Hindi ones and one Marathi show and I'll admit, all of them are funny. But, there's a difference between PJs and actual jokes.

Most of the comedy shows are reality shows that have partners who present sketches or so. Comedy nights with Kapil is one show I know that has a bit of stand up comedy and sketches too. And when I first heard from a friend that it has stand up comedy, I was pretty surprised. And by the way, this show is pretty much the only comedy show that every family watches and it makes me sad that this is their idea of funny.

If you've ever seen stand up comedy, you'll know that it's basically telling jokes, without props or anything of that sort, with hand gestures and voice changes etc. and the world's #1 stand up comedian right now, Russell Peters, is Indian. Of course, these jokes are to be told in a proper way, you can't just memorize a bunch of random jokes and tell them.

And what I've seen in a lot of stand up comedy shows, Indian and otherwise, is that it has a lot of audience participation. Its not like the audience is called on the stage, but they do speak to different people in the audience and make jokes on them etc.

But this show, it's as if the entire thing was set up just for "Paaji". There is no improv comedy based on the audience, it's entirely scripted.

And there's another show. I haven't really seen it on TV but I saw a few videos on YouTube. It was Rising Stars of Comedy on NDTV. That show had actual stand up comedy with Indian comedians from various laughter clubs across the country. All they put on YouTube were 10 minute clips and yet there are so many videos of that show. That means, there's no shortage of stand-up comedy in India.

And all of them are funny. And they talk about the life of Indians, maybe a few racist jokes, political jokes but all of that is much funnier than the sketches of Comedy Nights with Kapil. Why? Because the entire show is based on cheap jokes. The show is based on really bad puns, and the kind of shitty jokes that are popular on Whatsapp.

And I still don't understand how this show is so popular, and an actual funny show, with real stand up comics is still unknown to the majority. And the worst part of Comedy Nights with Kapil is "Paaji" laughing. We get it, you're getting paid to laugh. But enough, he laughs at the most absurd things. It's as if his sense of humor is so messed up, he'll even laugh at "hello". And what's worse is that they have a mic near him. Which means, the viewers have to put up with this guy laughing for no reason.

If you want to laugh, check out Russell Peters, Vir Das, Kunal Rao, Sorabh Pant, Sanjay Manaktala, Jeevashu Aluhwalia, Sahil Shah, Varun Grover, Azeem Banatwala, Atul Khatri, Maheep Singh, Angad Singh Ranyal, Neeti Palta, and there's many more. And this is just the names I got from YouTube. Just half of what you can watch on TV. And their improv comedy is so much more better and funnier than the scripted comedy of any other comedy show.

It's more of a social obligation to celebrate this one day. I say obligation because that's what everyone talks about when you go to school/work on the 2nd. Everyone boasts how awesome their party was and something like that.

But I fail to understand the motive behind the hype. For one, you end up spending your entire Christmas bonus in one night. Second, people are EVERYWHERE. That means, if you want to reach a restaurant by 9, you have to leave your house 2 hours before.

And well, since people are everywhere, you have to wait at restaurants/clubs/etc.

Of course, it's mostly just grown-ups that get to celebrate. But, even the kids are hyper before midnight on the 31st. Then, when it's midnight, they wish everyone by text, calls, Whatsapp, Facebook (can't meet in person because they're still kids) and everyone's really happy for 15 - 30 minutes.

After that, we all realize that that's it. We realize our holidays are about to end and we need to start studying again. So, that's it. The hype is about 15 - 30 minutes.

Even worse, in my opinion, are the cheesy messages you receive. Most ironical, as far as I know, is the fact that you get messages saying "May this year be full of joy...blah blah...and all your wishes come true." from people you haven't even heard from in months.

And the worst of all is the fact that this day or transition from one year to another does not count for anything. It amounts to nothing, at least in India. If you think about it, you'll realize, our fiscal year starts in April. (Source) And our academic year begins in June (for schools) and July (for colleges).

So, there is no apparent reason for celebrating.

As a 10th grader, I hear this word at least 50 times a day.

Even the teachers, they hardly care if we understand the lesson/concept, they just tell us how to get the most marks out of it.

And the students are no different. I've seen students memorize mathematical problems. There's a limit, and these kids are way past it. I mean, some problems are fine, you need to see how it's solved a few times to completely understand it (geometric theorems and their proofs, mostly) but you don't have to go as far as to memorize.

And lately, it's all anyone cares about.

"Mom, look I built my own robot."

"Forget the robot, it's not going to get you marks. Go study."

When the idea for school came into the minds of the Ancient Greeks, Romans, Indians, Chinese etc. I don't think they wanted students to get marks. They wanted students to get knowledge.

I'm not even going to talk about the syllabus, that's retarded enough. But, the whole mark system is downright stupid. To be honest, the entire examination system is stupid.

I know, exams are supposed to test our knowledge and keep a check if we're actually studying. But, it really doesn't test our "knowledge". There are a lot of intelligent kids in my class, who are never classified as intelligent by the teachers. Why? Because they never score above 70% or 80%.

It's not like they're street-smart. One of them got 92 percentile in an IQ test whereas the kids who get 90% in exams only got 70 percentile or so. Again, it's not like IQ matters either. But, I'm just saying, these kids are legitimately intelligent.

But, that's the kind of influence that our education system has on us. It's not our fault that we're so mark-obsessed. It's not our teachers' fault for teaching us about marks instead of the subject. It's just that idiot's fault who designed this entire system. (I've been trying to find out who that evil genius is, putting millions of kids through this hell, but sadly, the Internet is not helping)

We, as a whole, have started rating students based on their marks. Right now, no one cares about talents. Sure, even in school we have talent based activities but guess what? They're all for a subject, which is graded, and doesn't count towards the overall report. Which means, the parents don't allow their kids to spend more time on it than necessary and so, all talent is lost.

As you can see, I'm trying to bring about a change, although small, by writing a blog. And whenever I tell this to my parents or friends, they just say the only way out of the system is to beat the system.

Well, after I'm done with 10th, I'll be busy with 12th, and then with college. By the time I'm done with my education, I seriously wouldn't give a shit about the education system. That's typical Indian mentality, if it doesn't bother me, I don't need to do anything about it. And I really wouldn't care about the kids who would be complaining about it when I'm done. I guess that's why today's grown-ups don't want their kids to complain about school either.

So, in our schools, the smart category includes people that get 90% in their exams, not people that have brains. To be honest, the only reason I'm considered to be "smart but a waste" is because I used to get good grades in 5th grade or so and I don't any more.

And EVERYTHING is done based on marks. As in, if there's a workshop where students are invited from certain schools and only 4 are allowed to attend it, there's an exam conducted to determine who those 4 students are. And the exam, like any other, needs the memory of an elephant and skills of a parrot, so, the same kids are sent to competitions, workshops etc and others get no chance.

I shouldn't be talking about that though because I'm one of the students who always represents the school in competitions. But, that's only because I'm in a school that doesn't have too many kids, so the teacher herself picks the children who get to go to these events.

Bottom line is, we're all becoming a mark-oriented society and that needs to change.


PS: I asked the studious kids in my class a simple question

2² x 2⁰

and as expected, I got the wrong answer, 0. We learned about the law of indices in 7th grade. If the studious kids don't remember that x⁰ = 1, what's the point of memorizing?

A very sensitive issue today is discrimination based on gender. I agree, both men and women should be treated equally. And the government too is supporting female empowerment, to some extent.

The end of October is popular world-wide as Halloween, however, in India, it is popular for Diwali, the festival of lights.

The history behind this festival is pretty interesting, but it is long and would take too much time to explain, so if you're interested, read this wiki article.

Well basically, for almost everyone in the country, it's a week long vacation. It takes place after the terminal exams for students, and so, they are tension-free and Diwali is merely 1/3 of their 3 week vacation. For the working parents, Diwali is one festival where they get at least 5 days of break, and a bonus in their pay.

However, there is a lot of work in the house during Diwali. It starts with cleaning the house.

Diwali is also popular for the many foodstuffs that are made during this festival, so, the women are busy with the preparation of these sweets.

Diwali itself is a 5 day festival, beginning with the Dhanatrayodashi, when the wealth of the family is worshipped. The next day is Narak chaturdashi, when each family member has to wake up early and bathe with 'utna' (I'm not sure what the religious importance behind this is, but, it's used like soap and it actually is good for skin) and the women worship the men of the family.

The next day, Laxmi Poojan, is considered the main festival of Diwali, when the Goddess of Wealth, Laxmi is worshipped. On this day, everyone wears new clothes, or their best outfits and come together to worship the Goddess, after which they have a feast and eat the Diwali sweets.

The day after Laxmi Poojan is called Padwa, which signifies the relationship between husband-wife. The wife worships her husband and the husband, in return, gives a gift to his wife. The next day, the last day of Diwali, is celebrated as Bhaubeej, dedicated to the sister-brother relationship. Much like the Rakshabandhan, this festival sees a sister worshipping her brother, who in return, gives a gift to the sister. (Yes, Hindu brothers have to buy gifts for their sisters twice a year)

The religious importance behind each festival is very interesting, even to an atheist like me, however, the fake religious people seem to have forgotten the true meaning of Diwali. Diwali is called the festival of lights, not because of the fireworks, but because of the diyas (lamps) lighted during the festival.

But these last few years, I have seen, Diwali has become more about shopping, firecrackers and in general, about appearances.

Traditionally, the women would draw beautiful designs with rangoli outside the house on each day and light diyas (lamps) around the rangoli.


An example of the beautiful rangolis that could be seen a few years ago.

But nowadays, the rangolis are store bought, or home-made, that just have to be placed/glued to the floor and can be reused etc. And the lamps in the rangoli are sometimes LED bulbs in a traditional lamp, or a fancy lamp with a fancy flame.







Now, doesn't this go against our culture? I get it, no one has the time to draw huge rangolis in today's world, but that doesn't mean we have to replace it with artificial rangoli. I'm not saying my family is any better, because my mother did the same thing. She made an artificial rangoli like the one in the picture. It does look pretty, and it did take a lot of time and effort, but, that's not our culture. And for someone who constantly complains about today's generation not being in touch with our culture, our parents sure bend the rules a lot.

Another thing that bugs me is the Diwali has become like the Hindu christmas. We all expect gifts from our parents or family. I mean, it's fine if you go get a few new outfits, that's customary. But, we're expecting gifts like electronic appliances etc.

The stores, obviously encouraging this kind of behaviour, announce discounts on a wide range of products. And it's a known fact about Indians,

If a shirt costs 300 bucks, very few would buy it. But, if the same shirt had a price tag that said it's "On-sale price" was 300 bucks, thousands would rush to the store to buy it. We don't fucking care what the original price is. As soon as we see the word "discount", "sale", "__% off" we immediately feel like buying it.

That's exactly what the stores do. They announce discounts, that are actually minor, and so everyone buys their products, even though they don't need them, and the stores still roll in a profit.

And last but not the least, the firecrackers.

I'm still not sure what is so amusing about firecrackers. Because, for one, the firecrackers we burst aren't pretty. I mean, they only last for say 5 - 10 seconds. (Don't fucking tell me about a 25 shot firecracker, I know they last longer but it's the same shit, just 25 times.) In a lot of parts of the world, fireworks are illegal. And, the government or some organization sets up firework shows on special occasions (like the Fourth of July) and those are actually pretty sights, they last a few minutes, if not more.

Where I live, there has been a significant decrease in fireworks but I spent this Diwali at my grandparents and the residents in their society drew me crazy. To begin with, very few people actually burst firecrackers that are "pretty". It's mostly just newly wed couples that have infants or children below the age of 8. To them, that is amusing, and they don't burst too many either. In my opinion, that's fine.

But teenagers and young adults like me, I still don't understand what they find amusing about fireworks. For one, they don't even burst something that's pretty. They burst bombs. The result is not pleasing to the eye, it's basically paper flying everywhere. It's just noise. That's all it is. Noise.

Some adults go for rockets that make noise when lighted, and make noise while flying in the air, and make noise when they burst, with some colourful explosion. That too is fine, but they overdo it. They get one of those 100 shot fireworks (which will drain an average man's wallet by the way) and just keep them on for hours. So everyone in the vicinity is mute and deaf and you can do nothing but stare at the same shit, happing 100 times.

If a ban was to be put on firecrackers tomorrow, the whole nation would protest saying "Its our culture."

It fucking is not. It is not our culture to buy firecrackers that drain your parents' Diwali bonus. It is not our culture to burst bombs till our ears go deaf. It is not our culture to burst firecrackers and look at the explosions till our eyes go blind. It is not our culture to fucking ruin the country by littering it with paper and smoke.

You think smoke, light and noise in large quantities is amusing?


Here, I'll launch a rocket towards you.

Think logically for a second, India ranks 9th on the list of "Countries with the dirtiest air"





Source

In the list of cities with worst air pollution, India takes most spots.




And in the list of dirtiest cities, Delhi bags #24 and Mumbai is #7.

Source

If this isn't enough for you to think about cutting back on the explosives, I don't know what is. And we people are complete retards. Just 20 days before Diwali, we celebrate Gandhi Jayanti. Mahatma Gandhi preached "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" and we take an oath to start a clean India drive every-fucking-year.

And in less than a month, we completely ruin that drive under the name of "culture" by shitting over the entire country with paper litter, gunpowder residue and air pollution.

And then in December we support all kinds of cleanliness drives.

I've said it once and I'll say it again, the actions of Indian citizens are as retarded as can be.

I'm one of them, even if I don't burst firecrackers, I do contribute to their retardation in one way or the other.

Something most kids hide from their parents (other than the fact that they do drugs, drink, smoke etc) is their relationship with a person of the opposite sex (or same, that's a good sign)

Because, every kid knows, parents don't want their children to date, they just directly want them to get married. So, why is it that they think this way? Here's what I think:

1. Lack of trust:
They immediately assume we're going to pick  a guy/girl who's a bad influence, same with our friends. Or that the partner is going to turn their kid against them.


2. Studies:
Well, you're gonna be talking/chatting with your girlfriend/boyfriend a lot and they think you will lose focus and not do well in the exams. (Well, that might be true, but that's not an excuse)


3. Over-reaction:
It's in the news all the time. Some girl was raped/murdered/robbed by her boyfriend and that he was actually a con artist or something. Parents might be scared that this'll happen to their daughter, or their son will start doing this (for whatever reason...)


4. The future:
They're worried that you will end up wanting to marry him/her and naturally, they wouldn't want you to marry someone they don't know. But yeah, they expect you to marry a guy/girl who no one in your family knows.



5. Genuine concern:
Very few parents with this kind of approach. They're genuinely worried because they know high-school relationships hardly last and don't want you to waste time.

For a while now, I've seen certain teachers pick on certain students. As in, they blame them for things they don't even do. Of course, the students do something to piss her off. But, when one student pisses off a certain teacher, he's the one she picks on when something else goes wrong.

Like today, the teacher was giving us an example to solve when she noticed noise coming from a part of the class. She then asked a kid to stand up and told him to get out of the class.

But, she refused to believe him. And it really wasn't him this time. And then, we saw the "Classic" move.


So, because of some girls that were talking, a guy that was wrongly accused, and a typical attitude of teachers, the rest of us had to suffer.

It's not as if I was too disappointed because she walked out, but, I just knew we were all going to get scolded for it. And we were.

There are also kids that are never scolded no matter what they do. So, why is there this favouritism/hate for specific students? Aren't teachers, or any authority figure, supposed to be completely non-biased? 

So, most of the students get bored during classes like Geography, History, Marathi etc where there is no real "audience" participation. Every student has different ways of over-coming this boredom. Let's look at some methods.

1. Solving sudoku from the daily "student newspaper", it's fun and you can do it nice and slow.


2. Racing your partner for the word search. Nothing spices up a boring class more than kicking some ass in a fun game. (I'm really quick.....and untidy)


3. Filling in the holes of your text-book with ink...sounds dirty but it is a good way to pass time when both sudoku and word search is done.


4. After a while, filling holes gets boring. So, we move on to become artists on the last page of the book.


5. And when being an artist just doesn't work for a non-artistic fella, go berserk and paint a better picture than The Mona Lisa. (That took 2 pens and a lot of time. So worth it though.)


I'll add more when I can click pictures.