The end of October is popular world-wide as Halloween, however, in India, it is popular for Diwali, the festival of lights.

The history behind this festival is pretty interesting, but it is long and would take too much time to explain, so if you're interested, read this wiki article.

Well basically, for almost everyone in the country, it's a week long vacation. It takes place after the terminal exams for students, and so, they are tension-free and Diwali is merely 1/3 of their 3 week vacation. For the working parents, Diwali is one festival where they get at least 5 days of break, and a bonus in their pay.

However, there is a lot of work in the house during Diwali. It starts with cleaning the house.

Diwali is also popular for the many foodstuffs that are made during this festival, so, the women are busy with the preparation of these sweets.

Diwali itself is a 5 day festival, beginning with the Dhanatrayodashi, when the wealth of the family is worshipped. The next day is Narak chaturdashi, when each family member has to wake up early and bathe with 'utna' (I'm not sure what the religious importance behind this is, but, it's used like soap and it actually is good for skin) and the women worship the men of the family.

The next day, Laxmi Poojan, is considered the main festival of Diwali, when the Goddess of Wealth, Laxmi is worshipped. On this day, everyone wears new clothes, or their best outfits and come together to worship the Goddess, after which they have a feast and eat the Diwali sweets.

The day after Laxmi Poojan is called Padwa, which signifies the relationship between husband-wife. The wife worships her husband and the husband, in return, gives a gift to his wife. The next day, the last day of Diwali, is celebrated as Bhaubeej, dedicated to the sister-brother relationship. Much like the Rakshabandhan, this festival sees a sister worshipping her brother, who in return, gives a gift to the sister. (Yes, Hindu brothers have to buy gifts for their sisters twice a year)

The religious importance behind each festival is very interesting, even to an atheist like me, however, the fake religious people seem to have forgotten the true meaning of Diwali. Diwali is called the festival of lights, not because of the fireworks, but because of the diyas (lamps) lighted during the festival.

But these last few years, I have seen, Diwali has become more about shopping, firecrackers and in general, about appearances.

Traditionally, the women would draw beautiful designs with rangoli outside the house on each day and light diyas (lamps) around the rangoli.


An example of the beautiful rangolis that could be seen a few years ago.

But nowadays, the rangolis are store bought, or home-made, that just have to be placed/glued to the floor and can be reused etc. And the lamps in the rangoli are sometimes LED bulbs in a traditional lamp, or a fancy lamp with a fancy flame.







Now, doesn't this go against our culture? I get it, no one has the time to draw huge rangolis in today's world, but that doesn't mean we have to replace it with artificial rangoli. I'm not saying my family is any better, because my mother did the same thing. She made an artificial rangoli like the one in the picture. It does look pretty, and it did take a lot of time and effort, but, that's not our culture. And for someone who constantly complains about today's generation not being in touch with our culture, our parents sure bend the rules a lot.

Another thing that bugs me is the Diwali has become like the Hindu christmas. We all expect gifts from our parents or family. I mean, it's fine if you go get a few new outfits, that's customary. But, we're expecting gifts like electronic appliances etc.

The stores, obviously encouraging this kind of behaviour, announce discounts on a wide range of products. And it's a known fact about Indians,

If a shirt costs 300 bucks, very few would buy it. But, if the same shirt had a price tag that said it's "On-sale price" was 300 bucks, thousands would rush to the store to buy it. We don't fucking care what the original price is. As soon as we see the word "discount", "sale", "__% off" we immediately feel like buying it.

That's exactly what the stores do. They announce discounts, that are actually minor, and so everyone buys their products, even though they don't need them, and the stores still roll in a profit.

And last but not the least, the firecrackers.

I'm still not sure what is so amusing about firecrackers. Because, for one, the firecrackers we burst aren't pretty. I mean, they only last for say 5 - 10 seconds. (Don't fucking tell me about a 25 shot firecracker, I know they last longer but it's the same shit, just 25 times.) In a lot of parts of the world, fireworks are illegal. And, the government or some organization sets up firework shows on special occasions (like the Fourth of July) and those are actually pretty sights, they last a few minutes, if not more.

Where I live, there has been a significant decrease in fireworks but I spent this Diwali at my grandparents and the residents in their society drew me crazy. To begin with, very few people actually burst firecrackers that are "pretty". It's mostly just newly wed couples that have infants or children below the age of 8. To them, that is amusing, and they don't burst too many either. In my opinion, that's fine.

But teenagers and young adults like me, I still don't understand what they find amusing about fireworks. For one, they don't even burst something that's pretty. They burst bombs. The result is not pleasing to the eye, it's basically paper flying everywhere. It's just noise. That's all it is. Noise.

Some adults go for rockets that make noise when lighted, and make noise while flying in the air, and make noise when they burst, with some colourful explosion. That too is fine, but they overdo it. They get one of those 100 shot fireworks (which will drain an average man's wallet by the way) and just keep them on for hours. So everyone in the vicinity is mute and deaf and you can do nothing but stare at the same shit, happing 100 times.

If a ban was to be put on firecrackers tomorrow, the whole nation would protest saying "Its our culture."

It fucking is not. It is not our culture to buy firecrackers that drain your parents' Diwali bonus. It is not our culture to burst bombs till our ears go deaf. It is not our culture to burst firecrackers and look at the explosions till our eyes go blind. It is not our culture to fucking ruin the country by littering it with paper and smoke.

You think smoke, light and noise in large quantities is amusing?


Here, I'll launch a rocket towards you.

Think logically for a second, India ranks 9th on the list of "Countries with the dirtiest air"





Source

In the list of cities with worst air pollution, India takes most spots.




And in the list of dirtiest cities, Delhi bags #24 and Mumbai is #7.

Source

If this isn't enough for you to think about cutting back on the explosives, I don't know what is. And we people are complete retards. Just 20 days before Diwali, we celebrate Gandhi Jayanti. Mahatma Gandhi preached "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" and we take an oath to start a clean India drive every-fucking-year.

And in less than a month, we completely ruin that drive under the name of "culture" by shitting over the entire country with paper litter, gunpowder residue and air pollution.

And then in December we support all kinds of cleanliness drives.

I've said it once and I'll say it again, the actions of Indian citizens are as retarded as can be.

I'm one of them, even if I don't burst firecrackers, I do contribute to their retardation in one way or the other.

Something most kids hide from their parents (other than the fact that they do drugs, drink, smoke etc) is their relationship with a person of the opposite sex (or same, that's a good sign)

Because, every kid knows, parents don't want their children to date, they just directly want them to get married. So, why is it that they think this way? Here's what I think:

1. Lack of trust:
They immediately assume we're going to pick  a guy/girl who's a bad influence, same with our friends. Or that the partner is going to turn their kid against them.


2. Studies:
Well, you're gonna be talking/chatting with your girlfriend/boyfriend a lot and they think you will lose focus and not do well in the exams. (Well, that might be true, but that's not an excuse)


3. Over-reaction:
It's in the news all the time. Some girl was raped/murdered/robbed by her boyfriend and that he was actually a con artist or something. Parents might be scared that this'll happen to their daughter, or their son will start doing this (for whatever reason...)


4. The future:
They're worried that you will end up wanting to marry him/her and naturally, they wouldn't want you to marry someone they don't know. But yeah, they expect you to marry a guy/girl who no one in your family knows.



5. Genuine concern:
Very few parents with this kind of approach. They're genuinely worried because they know high-school relationships hardly last and don't want you to waste time.

I discussed about finding 'the one' earlier. But, what about marrying her? Just the exchange of a couple of rings?


It's a lot more than that.


Engagement:
In India:
Unlike our western counterparts, we do not propose to the female. Mostly because, in arranged marriage, you rarely meet your bride before you decide to get married.

So, there has to be a proper engagement ceremony. Now, it's not just an exchange of rings. There's a lot to be done. The bride gifts the groom a set of traditional clothing, and the groom does the same. Then they both change into the newly received clothes.

The proper name of this ceremony is 'Rupaya Naral - Sakharpuda'. So, after the exchange of clothes, the ritual is done in a traditional method. 'Rupaya' is a coin (Rupee) and 'naral' is a coconut, so a coin and coconut is given by the bride's parents, to the groom. And 'sakhar' is sugar, 'puda' is packet, so, a packet of sugar is given by the groom's parents to the bride. This symbolizes that both parents agree to the marriage.

Nowadays however, instead of these items, everyday items like clothes, spices, toiletries etc. are given to the engaged couple for their future.

In western countries:



Or for some tacky guys,


Or something similar.

Pre-wedding ceremony (bride):

In India (Mehendi):
After the engagement, the bride has a small ceremony with her family members. In this ceremony, the women have beautiful designs of mehendi/heena drawn on their arms. The bride has a very intricate mehendi, on both arms and both legs. The bride's family also hosts dinner/lunch for the other family members that attend the ceremony.


Also, the groom is called to visit, to feed his bride who is covered in mehendi and is unable to touch anything. And sometimes, in the labyrinth of designs, is the initial of the groom, which he is made to find.

In western countries (Bachelorette party):
Well, couple of things that bug me about this is that bachelorette party is not a word. However, it is called a bachelorette party, not a spinster party.

Anyway, I'm not sure if every couple has a bachelorette party, but if the videos that I have seen on the internet are real (*cough*) I should not be talking about bachelorette parties.


They also have a bridal shower. It's an all female event with food and gifts for the bride.

Pre-wedding ceremony (groom):

In India (Haldi):
Not exactly a groom ceremony, but, I decided to include it in here.

Basically, the bodies of both bride and groom are plastered with haldi (paste of turmeric) There's a LOT of detail to this which I really don't want to get into. But, back when the bride and groom would be living in different cities, the haldi that was applied to the bride would be transported to the groom that is, the same haldi would be applied to both.

Bachelor party:
Pretty much a bachelor's last chance to be a bachelor. Now, there are a few 'traditions' for this.

1. Vegas. Not all follow it, but, in movies and sitcoms, the destination is mostly Vegas.
2. Gambling. Well, you're in Vegas, and you're about to get married. You're already spending a lot of money, why not gamble?
3. Drinking. That's a given when you're in Vegas but still. Although, this time, you drink till you forget your name.
4. Strippers. The highlight of the night. 
5. If you're in Vegas, spent a tonne of money on drinks and casinos, and strippers, you might as well get a. . .hoe.

Indians take this a bit too seriously. As in, they literally look for a match made in heaven. It might seem funny to most westerners how Indian marriages are.

Before I begin, like I always say, culture, traditions and lifestyles of Indians change from state to state. So, this is based on what I have seen in my state.



Westerners: They tend to start living away from their parents by the time they're in college, and then just kinda start living away when they get a job or something. Then it's up to them to find a girl/guy, date for a while and if he/she is good, then ask her to marry/wish he asks you to marry.

Indians: They live with their parents till they're married, unless they have to go somewhere far for a job. Even then, very rarely would Indian parents allow their son/daughter to marry his/her boyfriend/girlfriend. Wanna know how the process goes for us?

1. The start: Well, it is like the official announcement that the son/daughter is ready for marriage. It is mostly made once the son/daughter has a well paying job. It is firstly made to the close relatives of the family, friends at work and neighbours. Even though it is the official announcement, it's done very secretly.


But, it is considered as the official announcement because, given the gossiping nature of women, they know that word will soon reach out.

2. The basic choices: From this point onward, I'll just discuss about males finding a wife. So, once the word is out, relatives, friends etc. bring you pictures and biographies of their 'candidates'.


"She's slightly shorter than you, has beautiful long hair, and works at ___."

All these choices are, of course, rejected, as the next step is an important one.

3. The meet: No, it is not the meeting of the bride and groom. It is the meeting of brides and grooms. We have events where guys and girls can get on a stage, talk about themselves and the kind of spouse that they want. No personal information is given and everyone is known by numbers only. If interested, the guy can talk to a girl and ask her about herself.

Also, they serve food and most people only go for that.


A girl here is picked for 'further trials'.

4. The first visit: Now, the groom, with his family, visits the might-be-future-bride. Both families speak highly of their children, while the children shyly stare at the floor. Traditionally, the girl serves tea and a snack, cooked by herself. And customarily, the guy's family asks if the girl can sing (for whatever reasons)

5. Then, once both sides like the 'candidate', they go on for 'The Last Trial'. That is, to check if God approves.

So, a brahmin/priest is called. He reads the palms (or something, I don't know) of both bride and groom. And tries to match the readings. I have never actually been to this sort of thing, but, there are 36 readings of each and if all 36 match, the couple has God's blessing. I think anything above 30 is accepted. But, if not, bye bye.




So, to sum it up

I'm not sure how many Indians (others are out of question) know about the Ashtavinayaka.

Well, 'ashta' means eight and 'vinayaka' means Ganesh so, 'Ashtavinayaka' loosely translates to 'Eight Ganesh'. A lot of Ganpati followers go on 'Ashtavinayaka yatra'. That is a pilgrimage to the eight temples that house distinct idols of Ganesh, in a proper sequence. And, it is customary to visit the first Ganpati after visiting all eight, just to complete the circle or 'dakshina'.

All of these temples happen to be situated around the city I live in, Pune. My parents had already done this pilgrimage when they moved to the city, along with my brother. However, I wasn't born back then and had missed it. So, when my uncle suggested a repeat pilgrimage, my mother made it compulsory for me to come, but my brother was allowed to sit home. Back then, I hadn't told my mom about my atheism so...I couldn't back out of it.

Anyway, as it turns out, these eight temples are not near each other. And, it would take a whole day to visit all eight. Which means, my sunday was going to be spent. Well, here's a map of the eight temples:



Now, guess what? Here's the sequence:

• Mayureshwar a.k.a Moreshwar
• Siddhivinayak
• Ballaleshwar
• Varadavinayak
• Chintamani
• Girijatmaj
• Vighneshwar
• Mahaganapati

Hindus have a very popular festival, the Ganesh Chaturthi, which is celebrated in other parts of the world as well.

Well, to sum it up, an idol of the God is brought home on the first day of the festival, and it is then worshiped everyday. On the tenth day, it is taken to a river and immersed in it. Now, some families immerse the idol after three, five, or seven days. The days are decided according to a Hindu calendar so, sometimes (like this year) the festival is of 11 days.

A little history, during the freedom struggle of India, Lokmanya Tilak organised the Sarvajanik Ganesh Chaturthi (literally translated as Public Ganesh Chaturthi) So, the idol was brought to a specific place (like a square or a landmark) and people living around that area would worship it, have cultural meetings and programs etc. The main objective however, was to spread a feeling of unity among the Indians and, conduct secret meetings.

The story behind Ganesh is somewhat funny.

Traditional Ganesha Hindu stories tell of Lord Ganesha, son of goddess Parvati, who is consort of Shiva. Parvati created Ganesha out of sandalwood paste that she used for her bath and breathed life into the figure. She then set him the task of guarding her door while she bathed. Lord Shiva, who had gone out, returned and as Ganesha didn't know him, didn't allow him to enter. Lord Shiva became enraged by this and asked his follower Ganas to teach the child some manners. Ganesha who was very powerful, being born of Parvati, the embodiment of Shakti, defeated Shiva's followers and declared that nobody was allowed to enter while his mother was bathing. The sage of heavens, Narada along with the Saptarishis sensed the growing turmoil and went to appease the boy with no results. Angered, the king of Gods, Indra attacked the boy with his entire heavenly army but even they didn't stand a chance. By then, this issue had become a matter of pride for Shiva. Angry Shiva severed the head of the child. Parvati seeing this became enraged. Seeing Parvati in anger Shiva promised that her son will be alive again. The devas searched for the head of dead person facing North, but they found only the head of a dead elephant. They brought the head of the elephant and Shiva fixed it on the child's body and brought him back to life. Lord Shiva also declared that from this day the boy would be called Ganesha (Gana Isha : Lord of Ganas).

According to the Linga Purana, Ganesha was created by Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati at the request of the Devas for being a Vighnakartaa (obstacle-creator) in the path of Rakshasas, and a Vighnahartaa (obstacle-averter) to help the Devas achieve fruits of their hard work. - Wikipedia

Putting aside the fact that Parvati could breathe life into sandalwood but couldn't fix it's broken head,



and the fact that Indra's heavenly army lost to a boy made of clay,



and the fact that while all of this was going on, Parvati was still bathing (was probably singing songs in the tub...) the story is somewhat interesting.



So, like I said, the idol is brought home on Ganesh Chaturthi (first day) and immersed on Anant Chaturdashi (tenth/eleventh/twelfth day)

But, here's what Ganesh Chaturthi is today:

1. Ganesh Chaturthi: Day of arrival

How it was intended/used to be:
The idol was brought home and the entire family would be happy. The women in the house would make sweets/modaks for the ritual and the men would sit down with a brahmin for the ritual.

How it is today:
The men get a holiday from work and reluctantly go out to get the idol. Children are happy that they got a holiday from school. And the mother tries to cheer everyone up because she is the only one who is actually happy.



2. Cultural programmes: A kind of event held for people of all ages to perform in front of a crowd, for entertainment (Only in sarvajanik/public celebrations)

How it was intended/used to be:
Well, I don't know how it used to be but this is what I think it was intended for. The elders would perform scenes from Ganesh's life to teach the children about the legends. And the children would perform traditional dances, and sing traditional songs or chant a prayer.

How it is today:
More of a high-school talent show. I've seen 11 year olds try to rap, 10 year olds dancing to a poorly mixed Hindi dubstep song, 9 year old girls dance like Shakira (if you know what I mean) to her songs, children performing humourous plays that aren't related to Ganesh and grown ups singing boring songs.......no, not prayers, boring old songs.



3. Coming together: Everyone coming together for the rituals and feeling united. (Sarvajanik/public only)

How it was intended/used to be:
People of all religions coming together for the daily prayers and talking.

How it is today:
Mostly Hindus with a few people of other religions. And, they just attend the prayers, take the prasad (offerings to the God) and leave without speaking to each other.



4. Immersion: There is a small (well......not at all small) procession for taking the idol to the river for immersion. It used to be small before Sarvajanik Ganpati.

How it was intended/used to be:
Everyone coming together and giving the God a hearty goodbye with traditional music (Dhol, tasha etc) and dancing. And shouting out "Ganpati bappa morya" etc.

How it is today:
Everyone coming together to be a part of the immersion. DJs taking over the traditional music and drunkards taking over the "dance floor". Everyone looking for an opportunity to shout "Ganpati bappa morya" etc but of course, the DJ doesn't stop. And people bursting firecrackers for some reason. Basically, attempts at increasing noise pollution.



So, this is what faith is today. I'm no fan of long festivals but I did used to enjoy the more traditional kind of this festival back when I was 5 or 6. Now, it has lost all it's meaning.

India is known for it's vast culture. Now, it's a secular country, but most of the natives are Hindu. And the Hindu religion has 33 crore (330 million) Gods. That's 7 0s after 33.

Well, there's actually a reasonable explanation behind that number but, I bet, very few people are actually aware of it. Even the so-called theists don't actually know why there are 33 crore Gods.

I'm leaving aside the fact that I know about a lot of religious stuff even though I'm an atheist. But, if you're interested in knowing the truth about that huge number: http://ilikan.com/blog/ultimate-list-of-33-crore-gods-in-hinduism/ (uhm, don't worry, it's not a real list of 330 Gods)

So, in this hardcore religious country, where almost everyone is a believer, being an atheist is suicide.


So, a lot of atheists don't actually come out of the closet (metaphorically...) I used to be the same, I was scared, somewhat. But, then, I just got tired of it all and decided to start speaking up once and for all.

Well, it didn't make any difference, I'm still dragged to temples and have to take part in rituals.

But, soon, everyone around me knew I was an atheist and when these older people talk about me, all they say is


And then there's family. Not the close family, the distant relatives. They always pick such subjects when they visit and me and my brother just express our discomfort. And then the relatives turn towards my parents

Relative: हा नस्तिक अहे का? (Is he an atheist?)

Mother: हो. (Yes)

(Turning towards me)

Relative: तुला आत्ता ह्यवर विश्वास नाहि होणार पण मोठा झाल्याव्र तुला कळेल. (You won't believe now, but when                  you grow up, you'll understand.)

Well, not that it makes any sense but fine, let's assume, when I grow up, I'll have faith in God. Why waste my childhood in temples and rituals then? Why not just wait till I reach adulthood and develop the faith myself? Forcing it doesn't help.

In most of the other countries, believing is optional. And, they don't bite your head off for not believing. But, in India,