Hating Bollywood music, yet loving music itself, I had no other option than surfing YouTube for international music (various genres) or even less popular, yet good, Indian music which wasn't associated with Bollywood.

I came across a lot of types, some were excellent, most songs of the genre were addictive. Some were just good, one or two songs were addictive. And some were completely out of my taste.

Not restricting myself to Indian music, I had a lot to talk to other music lovers from around the world. This brought many new songs to my attention, one of the songs being Skrillex - Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites.

Well, when I first heard it, it was just noise to me. But after a month or so, I found it to be pretty addictive. I went on to listen to other songs of the same genre; dubstep.

Now, I was at a point where the usual rock was boring and mainstream. And, I wasn't that much into metal either, back then. So, dubstep was like my new favourite genre.

And so, it became all I ever heard. My phone and computer playlist was full of dubstep. I would stream dubstep mixes on YouTube, look for dubstep remixes of my old favourites etc.

My close friends, who share my hatred for Bollywood music, did listen to the dubstep tracks I recommended and would even find a new track and recommend it to me. But, the other friends or people around me were completely against this genre.

They thought it wasn't real music and that I was pretty crazy to listen to it most of the times. Being a dubstep fan, I still agree that it's not music, in my opinion at least. However, it is sound, and it is entertaining, which is what music is about, most of the times, so I saw no harm in saying it was my favourite genre.

It's been a few years since then, and their thoughts haven't changed.

What re? Why don't you listen to some real music?

That's coming from someone who only listens to Yo Yo Honey Singh, Bollywood and a bit of One Direction.

So, naturally, I gave up on convincing my friends to listen to dubstep.

A few days ago, however, I saw this video while looking for dubstep.


And now, dubstep is the new cool. Everyone is listening to this song, saying it's awesome. Some have even tried other dubstep tracks, while some just stick to this one. I'm pretty sure there will be more dubstep songs in Bollywood in the movies to come, but, why is it that whatever Bollywood does is the trend in India?

Dubstep was widely used for ads and as EDM long before this song, all over the world, but, Indians never liked it. But, one movie uses it and suddenly, they're in love with it.

If tomorrow there's a song that supports male domination in society and raping, would that be considered 'cool'? Will that be the new trend?

The end of October is popular world-wide as Halloween, however, in India, it is popular for Diwali, the festival of lights.

The history behind this festival is pretty interesting, but it is long and would take too much time to explain, so if you're interested, read this wiki article.

Well basically, for almost everyone in the country, it's a week long vacation. It takes place after the terminal exams for students, and so, they are tension-free and Diwali is merely 1/3 of their 3 week vacation. For the working parents, Diwali is one festival where they get at least 5 days of break, and a bonus in their pay.

However, there is a lot of work in the house during Diwali. It starts with cleaning the house.

Diwali is also popular for the many foodstuffs that are made during this festival, so, the women are busy with the preparation of these sweets.

Diwali itself is a 5 day festival, beginning with the Dhanatrayodashi, when the wealth of the family is worshipped. The next day is Narak chaturdashi, when each family member has to wake up early and bathe with 'utna' (I'm not sure what the religious importance behind this is, but, it's used like soap and it actually is good for skin) and the women worship the men of the family.

The next day, Laxmi Poojan, is considered the main festival of Diwali, when the Goddess of Wealth, Laxmi is worshipped. On this day, everyone wears new clothes, or their best outfits and come together to worship the Goddess, after which they have a feast and eat the Diwali sweets.

The day after Laxmi Poojan is called Padwa, which signifies the relationship between husband-wife. The wife worships her husband and the husband, in return, gives a gift to his wife. The next day, the last day of Diwali, is celebrated as Bhaubeej, dedicated to the sister-brother relationship. Much like the Rakshabandhan, this festival sees a sister worshipping her brother, who in return, gives a gift to the sister. (Yes, Hindu brothers have to buy gifts for their sisters twice a year)

The religious importance behind each festival is very interesting, even to an atheist like me, however, the fake religious people seem to have forgotten the true meaning of Diwali. Diwali is called the festival of lights, not because of the fireworks, but because of the diyas (lamps) lighted during the festival.

But these last few years, I have seen, Diwali has become more about shopping, firecrackers and in general, about appearances.

Traditionally, the women would draw beautiful designs with rangoli outside the house on each day and light diyas (lamps) around the rangoli.


An example of the beautiful rangolis that could be seen a few years ago.

But nowadays, the rangolis are store bought, or home-made, that just have to be placed/glued to the floor and can be reused etc. And the lamps in the rangoli are sometimes LED bulbs in a traditional lamp, or a fancy lamp with a fancy flame.







Now, doesn't this go against our culture? I get it, no one has the time to draw huge rangolis in today's world, but that doesn't mean we have to replace it with artificial rangoli. I'm not saying my family is any better, because my mother did the same thing. She made an artificial rangoli like the one in the picture. It does look pretty, and it did take a lot of time and effort, but, that's not our culture. And for someone who constantly complains about today's generation not being in touch with our culture, our parents sure bend the rules a lot.

Another thing that bugs me is the Diwali has become like the Hindu christmas. We all expect gifts from our parents or family. I mean, it's fine if you go get a few new outfits, that's customary. But, we're expecting gifts like electronic appliances etc.

The stores, obviously encouraging this kind of behaviour, announce discounts on a wide range of products. And it's a known fact about Indians,

If a shirt costs 300 bucks, very few would buy it. But, if the same shirt had a price tag that said it's "On-sale price" was 300 bucks, thousands would rush to the store to buy it. We don't fucking care what the original price is. As soon as we see the word "discount", "sale", "__% off" we immediately feel like buying it.

That's exactly what the stores do. They announce discounts, that are actually minor, and so everyone buys their products, even though they don't need them, and the stores still roll in a profit.

And last but not the least, the firecrackers.

I'm still not sure what is so amusing about firecrackers. Because, for one, the firecrackers we burst aren't pretty. I mean, they only last for say 5 - 10 seconds. (Don't fucking tell me about a 25 shot firecracker, I know they last longer but it's the same shit, just 25 times.) In a lot of parts of the world, fireworks are illegal. And, the government or some organization sets up firework shows on special occasions (like the Fourth of July) and those are actually pretty sights, they last a few minutes, if not more.

Where I live, there has been a significant decrease in fireworks but I spent this Diwali at my grandparents and the residents in their society drew me crazy. To begin with, very few people actually burst firecrackers that are "pretty". It's mostly just newly wed couples that have infants or children below the age of 8. To them, that is amusing, and they don't burst too many either. In my opinion, that's fine.

But teenagers and young adults like me, I still don't understand what they find amusing about fireworks. For one, they don't even burst something that's pretty. They burst bombs. The result is not pleasing to the eye, it's basically paper flying everywhere. It's just noise. That's all it is. Noise.

Some adults go for rockets that make noise when lighted, and make noise while flying in the air, and make noise when they burst, with some colourful explosion. That too is fine, but they overdo it. They get one of those 100 shot fireworks (which will drain an average man's wallet by the way) and just keep them on for hours. So everyone in the vicinity is mute and deaf and you can do nothing but stare at the same shit, happing 100 times.

If a ban was to be put on firecrackers tomorrow, the whole nation would protest saying "Its our culture."

It fucking is not. It is not our culture to buy firecrackers that drain your parents' Diwali bonus. It is not our culture to burst bombs till our ears go deaf. It is not our culture to burst firecrackers and look at the explosions till our eyes go blind. It is not our culture to fucking ruin the country by littering it with paper and smoke.

You think smoke, light and noise in large quantities is amusing?


Here, I'll launch a rocket towards you.

Think logically for a second, India ranks 9th on the list of "Countries with the dirtiest air"





Source

In the list of cities with worst air pollution, India takes most spots.




And in the list of dirtiest cities, Delhi bags #24 and Mumbai is #7.

Source

If this isn't enough for you to think about cutting back on the explosives, I don't know what is. And we people are complete retards. Just 20 days before Diwali, we celebrate Gandhi Jayanti. Mahatma Gandhi preached "Cleanliness is next to Godliness" and we take an oath to start a clean India drive every-fucking-year.

And in less than a month, we completely ruin that drive under the name of "culture" by shitting over the entire country with paper litter, gunpowder residue and air pollution.

And then in December we support all kinds of cleanliness drives.

I've said it once and I'll say it again, the actions of Indian citizens are as retarded as can be.

I'm one of them, even if I don't burst firecrackers, I do contribute to their retardation in one way or the other.

There's this really annoying song in this movie, 'Aata majhi satalki'. It's based on the catchphrase in both movies, 'Aata majhi satakli' which the main character says when he becomes angry.


And the singer of this highly "incredible" song is none other than Yo Yo Honey Singh.

Fight-fight, fight like Bruce Lee
Fight-fight, fight like Bruce Lee
Fight-fight, fight like Bruce Lee
Fight-fight, fight like Bruce Lee...

Please, Bruce Lee was a legend. Bajirao Singham is a result of poor editing and a mixture of Bollywood and Tollywood. There's light years of difference between


and

Mera solah (16) ka dola, chiaalis (46) ki chaati
Seedhi baat bolun, baatein ghumani nahi aati
(Aata Majhi Satakli)

My bicep is sixteen (inches)
and the chest is forty six (inches)
I'm straightforward,
I don't know how to say things in a circular way
I am going mad now.

Eh, might be true. You never know what kind of drugs he can afford with a bollywood salary.

Jigra hai tiger
Dimag se hyper
Aata majhi satakli
To goli maarun jaise sniper
Aata Majhi Satakli

My heart is that of tiger,
I've a short temper
When I go mad now,
I shoot like a sniper.
I am going mad now.

The writers were so desperate for a rhyme, they actually used the word sniper. I don't think a single Bollywood movie has ever portrayed a sniper. No, a sniper-like character in Bollywood movies is a guy with such inhumane aim and accuracy, that he can do the job of a sniper, with a 9mm, from twice as far.

Goli maare jaise sniper, yes!
Mera balma hai tiger, true!
Mera balma hai tiger, correct!
Arey very very hyper!
Aata Majhi Satakli

He shoots like a sniper, yes,
my beloved is a tiger, true.
my beloved is a tiger, correct.
Very very hyper.
Going mad now.

Kareena butts in by flattering Ajay but, of course, he shows no reaction.





She says, he shoots like a sniper. Ah yes,

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy..

I am going mad..
I am feeling mad.. 

Calm down bruh.

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy..

I am going mad..
I am feeling mad.. 

Alright.

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy..

Not even gonna translate.

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy.. 

Nobody gives a shit.

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy..

Ata maajhi satakli
mala raag yetoy..

Let me make something clear. This is not a fucking hook/chorus. This is exactly like











and a million more shitty songs.

Majha mardaniraaya re
Yachi waghachi kaaya re
Bheet naahi konala re
Assa Marathi chaava re
Aata Majhi Satakli

My manly king..
his body is like a lion,
he's not afraid of anyone..
Such a Marathi stud he is..

In the entire movie, he spouts like 20 Marathi words, and he's a "Marathi stud". My NRI cousin speaks more Marathi than he does.

Angry young man
Mi aahe majhashi lafda.. naay naay
Todun na taaken haat paay
When Aata Majhi Satakli
Bolo mujhe bye bye!

Angry young man,
If you fight with me,
I'll break your hands and legs..
When I go mad,
just say bye to me.

I had heard of Hinglish, Minglish and Mindi. But this, this is diabolical.

Another thing this "verse" tells us is that Yo Yo Honey Singh, like 90% of Indian students, is a parrot by profession. (Obviously, you can't call his singing/rapping professional) He doesn't understand a word of Marathi, and he just memorized these lines.

Aata Majhi Satakli -
mala raag yetoy 

I'll just order a pizza and finish it till the beginning of the next "verse".

So far, what we've understood is that,
1) Yo Yo Honey Singh himself doesn't know what he "raps" about.
2) Only job Kareena Kapoor has in this video is to make it slutty so that the video is still good enough even when the song is muted.
3) Ajay Devgan is worse than a PMS-ing teenager.

Slow down - mala raag yetoy
Calm down - mala raag yetoy
Slow down - mala raag yetoy
Calm down - Mala Raag Yetoy!

Have you tried giving him chocolate? As far as I know, it works.

Ata Majhi Satakli
mala raag yetoy

Alright, I'm done with this song.

Well, as you would expect, the songs that an Indian radio station can play are limited. (Because, there are next to no good hindi bands and even if there were, the RJs only ever play Bollywood songs) So, they just play latest Bollywood songs, one after the other.

This past month, I've had a lot of problems with my hard disk and operating systems so, I spent a lot of time listening to the radio. And, seriously, in 2 hours of listening to one radio station, 4 - 5 songs are repeated at least twice. That's saying a lot because in 2 hours (120 minutes) only 30 songs are played.

You'd think that's pretty good, considering how a lot of Bollywood songs are 4 minutes long, but no, RJs stop the song after 2 minutes and start their trash talk.

It's not like they even talk about anything important. Mostly just promotion of their shitty competitions like "Blockbuster Thursdays", "Blue carpet" or some gift hampers for Diwali.

This really pissed me off because, radio exists for 2 reasons. Music and a medium of spreading social awareness for any topic.

But Indian radio is now like YouTube. Ads pop-up all over your music.

If the radio stations can't generate enough money through sponsors (or whatever it is that gets them money) they should just disband instead of selling their stations to ads.

Because, when do people even listen to the radio? When they're stuck in traffic, or while cooking (like my mom does) or maybe when internet is down and you have no good music on your phone or computer (like the hard disk deprived kid I have become). And I'm sure we turn on the radio expecting a song. But, no. After say 3 - 4 minutes of music, there's a 10 - 15 minute ad break. And, these ads are the same shitty ones. The same god damn ads after every song.

No wonder kids remember all the ads so well. We're bombarded with ads.

And if you think you're good enough to evade ads and listen to music on another station, I'm sorry. That doesn't work. These stations are in cahoots. They play music at the same fucking time. And then they all go back to their main purpose, advertising. There are 4 radio stations in my city, all of which I can listen to without static from almost anywhere in my house, but all 4 have synchronized music times.

And RJs are no different either. I remember when I was 5 or 6, and I used to listen to the programmes on radio, like conversations between RJs and the audience or some celebrity. But, those programmes are gone. The only thing these fake RJs do is, prank call random strangers and fool them, which by the way, is definitely scripted. Because, no person who just got pranked on radio will just laugh and say "Oh you got me", he'll definitely rage and scream "BC".

So, out of 60 minutes, we get like 10 minutes of music. And the music is such that it really doesn't seem worth the ads. I'm not expecting it to be anywhere near Stairway to Heaven but it's just Bollywood. And, even in Bollywood, there are some beautiful Hindi songs, but no. Bollywood is now all about shitty Punjabi wanna-be rappers who think they're good. 1/5 songs is Hindi nowadays, which gets played almost never.

Instead of all this, I'd much rather not have this piece of shit.

If you've been reading my posts till now, you should have understood that I don't particularly like Bollywood movies, songs etc. and there are a lot of things about the country itself that I don't like.

A lot of my friends, that like all these things, often tell me that I'm unpatriotic, or that I should be ashamed of calling myself Indian. Well, according to me, I just hate all these things because, I know we can do a lot better. Bollywood has capital and talent (to some extent) but most of the public has low expectations, so, they just do the bare minimum.

And it is true, I prefer foreign movies and music over Indian. And when I say foreign, I mean any country, not necessarily America or UK. I like watching the mainstream "superhero" movies (like any geek would) and I enjoy rock/metal music. There are some Indian bands that I like, but, they aren't as popular as Bollywood songs which is weird because they're a lot better.

Apart from that, I find foreign languages even more interesting. I haven't actually seen a movie that was in a foreign language, but I was a frequent Anime watcher. The same applies to music, I like listening to foreign songs.

So, when one of my friends (Bollywood fangirl) heard me talking shit about Bollywood music and it's weird lyrics, she pointed out that I listen to raps, Spanish pop, Reggaeton, dubstep and a bit of EDM, which is like the international version of Bollywood (less than talented people making money off of stereotypical young adults, staying in business no longer than 10 years)

Yeah, I do like EDM and dubstep, but that's just because it's addictive and a good kind of music to have in background while I'm gaming or solving math etc. But, she wouldn't let go because she knew the Spanish songs I listen to and the Bollywood music I look down upon have similar lyrics.

Well, here it is,

I like hearing/watching weird and funny shit that I don't understand.

But, it's true. When you listen to a song in a foreign language, you don't care about the lyrics, in your head, you're just laughing at how weird the language sounds like.

Don't deny it, we all think every other language other than the ones we speak sound weird and funny.

And that's exactly what I do, I just listen to the weird song, not caring about the lyrics, keeping up with the trash beats that are addictive and trying my best to sing along.

But, you can't do that with a Bollywood song. As soon as you start listening to one, you immediately figure out what the lyrics mean,

So, it's not unpatriotic to not like your country's entertainment, or preferring a different country's entertainment.

Another popular song nowadays is Lovely.

Main lovely ho gayiaan
Naam tera padh ke, naam tera padh ke

I've become lovely,
having read your name, having read your name.

Ghar aaya mera sohna sajan

Ghar aaya mera... haaye sohna sajan

My beautiful beloved came home,
Oh, my beautiful beloved came home..

So, his home is a strip club.

Ye jo bangle hai re laal colour ki
Tere liye hi khan-khan kar ke
In haathon mein naache jaaye re
Inhein nasha chadha hai tera
Tu ban ja aashiq mera
Tune chhua hai aise
Main kamli...

This bangle of red color that is there,
it jingles for you,
and dances in these hands,
They have got your intoxication,
You become my lover..
You have touched me in such a way
that I have gone mad..

We really should get tips from SRK.

Pa-pa-paaya ankhaan 'ch kaajal
Mainu vekh ke ho gi o paagal
Photo khench autograph set
Instagram pe like kari jaave pic haaye

She's put kohl in her eyes, (for make up)
Looking at me she's gone mad
Having taken photo and autograph,
she keeps liking the pics on instagram.

So, whorish make-up. And, she's liking her own pics on instagram.

Poora intezaam hai
Ye jo shaam hai
Kal subah tak tere naam hai
Aankhon se dil ye batlaaye re
Kal na hogi ye raatein
Kar le dil ki do baatein
Ik teri hi khaatir main pagli ho gayiaan

There is complete arrangement,
This evening that is there,
is for you till tomorrow morning..
This heart says with the eyes,
these nights won't be there tomorrow,
Let's talk with love a bit,
Just for you, I have gone mad..

The "No tomorrow" attitude again.

India, a country where


is banned but


is perfectly fine.

Altogether, it's a bad song, mostly because of the voice of the singer, a little because of the lyrics. Video is good though :)

I admit, I've never heard of this movie before but this song is pretty popular on the radio and TV.


In the video, Sonam Kapoor just dances like a retard in a pretty high-class party.

Darwaaze ko kundi maaro
Koi na bach ke jaane paaye
DJ ko samjha do,
music ghalti se bhi ruk na jaaye
Thaka thaka jo feel kare wo jaake dou RedBull gatak le
Aur jisko dance nahi karna
Woh jaake apni bhains charaye

Lock the doors
No one should escape
Tell the DJ
The music must go on
Those who are tired, go drink RedBull
And those who don't dance
Go graze your buffalo

 Besides using wrong Hindi at places, nothing is wrong here...oh wait,

Aur jisko dance nahi karna
Woh jaake apni bhains charaye

I never dance on any occasion but I've never been told to graze a buffalo o.O

Bas aaj ki raat hai
Kal se wohi siyaape hain

It's just tonight's night
It's mourning from tomorrow

I don't know why every party song has this "last night on earth" attitude. I mean, everyone pretty much ends up regretting what they did that night because of that attitude...do they learn nothing? I remember reading that those who learn from their mistakes are fools, but those who learn from others' mistakes are wise...well, what of these scumbags who don't learn from their own mistakes?

Jee bhar ke naach lo
Na ghar waale na maape hain

Dance to your heart's content
No family or parents here

So, it's fine to make a complete fool of yourself in front of strangers but not in front of people you know...yeah, I agree with that for some reason.

 Yeh toh bas shuruaat hai
(Yeh toh bas shuruaat hai)
Arey abhi toh party shuru hui hai..
Arey abhi toh party shuru hui hai..
Yeh toh bas shuruaat hai

This is just the beginning
(This is just the beginning)
The party's just started
The party's just started
This is just the beginning

Other than repeating the same lyrics again and again (because whoever enjoys listening to this is clearly retarded enough to not understand it the first time) these words are based on the cliché dialogue "Yeh toh bas trailer hai, picture abhi baki hai" hence proving that Bollywood is based on repetition of the same old stuff, with new actors and worse scripts.

Baad mein na kehna kuch bhi
Pehle hi de doon warning
Party chalegi till six in the morning

Don't say anything later
I'll give you a warning right now
The party will go on till six in the morning

Yes, party till six. The law says you can't have loud music playing after 10 PM and they're going to party till six. Bollywood is sending a good message to the youth listening to this.

Jee bhar ke naach le baby
Naach naach ke tod de sandal

Dance to your heart's content baby
Dance and dance till you break your sandal

I don't anyone, including guys, wears sandals to a party. You'd have to be a pretty lazy and ignorant idiot to under-dress so much.

Aunty police bula legi to
Yaar tera kar lega handle

If aunty calls the police
Your man will handle the situation

Another good message to all the girls listening to this song. "You can fuck up as much as you want, your boyfriend is there to patch it all up."

Jisko apni jaan pyaari
Chup-chaap wo floor pe aaye
Floor pe aake naache gaaye

Who hold their lives dear
Get on the dance floor
Dance or sing on the floor

...so now they're threatening to get on the dance floor. Just to show you how wrong this sounds, this is the general crowd at this party

Sharm ko kar de bye bye
Michael Jackson waale
Do teen action karke dikhaye

Say bye bye to shyness
Show us two or three
Michael Jackson's steps

I'm not a fan of MJ but please don't disrespect him by including him in your crappy song. This is the same as LMFAO using Led Zeppelin in their song.

Party karni hai (ho!)
Hum party karenge (ho!)

We want to party (yes!)
Then we'll party (yes!)

Yes. "We do whatever the hell we want!" another good message. And then adults get mad at kids when they

1. Backtalk to them
2. Cause mischief
3. Cheat in exams
4. Bunk classes
5. List goes on...

The Indian government is out there banning stuff like Shin-chan (the censored version) and other good things, and no action being taken for songs like this where children are taught to live a rebel life. Good going.

Something most kids hide from their parents (other than the fact that they do drugs, drink, smoke etc) is their relationship with a person of the opposite sex (or same, that's a good sign)

Because, every kid knows, parents don't want their children to date, they just directly want them to get married. So, why is it that they think this way? Here's what I think:

1. Lack of trust:
They immediately assume we're going to pick  a guy/girl who's a bad influence, same with our friends. Or that the partner is going to turn their kid against them.


2. Studies:
Well, you're gonna be talking/chatting with your girlfriend/boyfriend a lot and they think you will lose focus and not do well in the exams. (Well, that might be true, but that's not an excuse)


3. Over-reaction:
It's in the news all the time. Some girl was raped/murdered/robbed by her boyfriend and that he was actually a con artist or something. Parents might be scared that this'll happen to their daughter, or their son will start doing this (for whatever reason...)


4. The future:
They're worried that you will end up wanting to marry him/her and naturally, they wouldn't want you to marry someone they don't know. But yeah, they expect you to marry a guy/girl who no one in your family knows.



5. Genuine concern:
Very few parents with this kind of approach. They're genuinely worried because they know high-school relationships hardly last and don't want you to waste time.

The video starts with "You are never to old to play with Baby Doll" So apparently, Sunny Leone is baby doll, and you are never to old to 'play' with her. People that admire this song and video are the same people that like pages like 'Women are not objects' on Facebook.

It's just entertainment but that's a pretty sensitive issue in India, not to be toyed with.

Sone sone patole lakhaan
Sone sone patole yeah...
Ae takdiyaan rehndiyaan aankhaan
Ae takdiyaan rehndiyaan..

There are hundreds of thousands of beautiful girls,
So many beautiful girls,
These eyes keep watching,
They keep watching.

So, the singer here has a harem of many girls and he keeps watching. Yet another 'women = objects' scenario and I bet this singer supports the feminists.

Yo soniyo, she put up a show
Unless I’m impress, Baby I gotta go
I won’t mind tell you that I take your floor
But tonight no bites
Cause the wife will know 

Soniyo means beautiful girl, rest is understood.

So, again, he expects her to entertain him, or he's leaving. And then he says no biting tonight or his wife will find out.

Main ki dassaan apni ve
Ae chan karda hai tareefa
Ho mere husn de kone.. kone kone di
Ho kone kone di..
O Baby doll mai sone di
O Baby doll main sone di

What do I tell about myself,
this world keeps praising -
every nook and corner of my beauty..
of my every nook and corner..
I am a golden baby doll..
I am a golden baby doll..

The world keeps praising every nook and corner of her beauty, of her every nook and corner.

Well, most of the people have seen 'every nook and corner' of her so, no surprise there.

Ye duniya, ye duniya pittal di
Ye duniya pittal di..
Ho babydoll main sone di..

This is a world of brass
And I'm a baby doll of gold

She feels superior because she's beautiful...





What she doesn't know is, all the others who have achieved something will forever have it. Her beauty will be stale in the next decade or so.

Chamka chamka meriyaan
Main cham cham karke chamka
Laava Zandu Balm ji nachde
Nachde paijan damkaan

My brightness shines,
I shine with shining.
Get me Zandu balm,
while dancing, my anklets shine..

It's her superiority complex again. She wants him to apply balm on her feet to make them shine.

Mere hi charche
Meriyaan hi gallaan
Jag sara karda ni baar baar ve

My discussions,
my talks alone,
this world is keeping on doing repeatedly..

More of her superiority. Someone needs to take her down a notch.

Khul jaavan sadke
Chum lende vadh ke
Main taan sharmavaan haay baar baar ve

I'll open
if you come ahead and kiss me,
I feel shy, again and again..

SHE'S GOING TO FEEL SHY? SHE ROAMS AROUND HALF NAKED FOR THE WHOLE VIDEO BUT SHE'S GOING TO FEEl SHY IF HE KISSES HER

So, throughout the song, she first tells the crowd that she's a toy that anyone can play with. And even the male singer says she's just an object.

But then suddenly, she's the only thing that matters. Everyone else is brass and she's gold. Even the male singer agrees to do what she wants.

This is not a plot twist, it's poor song writing. And of course, it's a punjabi song. I swear, 50% of Bollywood music today is Punjabi. We know who to blame for that, and hate post incoming.

Since I started ranting about bollywood, I decided to go for bollywood music as well.

Today's song:


Oh yay...this couple again. Looks like all the stupidity jokes weren't enough for her to quit acting. Well, let's hope that they do the trick before her next movie.

I'm not going to bother discussing what's wrong with the video...I'm not that jobless, but let's start with the lyrics.

Woo..!
Pehla ta kudi ne Ludhiana vi ni tappeya si
Tappeya si..
Pehla ta kudi ne Ludhiana vi ni tappeya
Puchhe bina gharo baahr per vi ni rakheya
Jado di madam ji shehar vich aai
Bas party diya galla kar di rehndi eh
Kudi Saturday Saturday kardi rendi eh
Kudi Saturday Saturday kardi rendi eh

Okay...another Punjabi song. Well, I looked it up and the translation is somewhat

The girl hadn’t even gone outside Ludhiana before this
The girl hadn’t even gone outside Ludhiana before this
She wouldn’t even put a step outside her home without asking elders/parents
But since the girl/madam has come to the city
She only talks about parties
The girl keeps on talking about Saturday

So basically, she used to be a good kid back when she was in Ludhiana (a city in Northern India) then she came to the city for college and became a party hoe.

Saturday Saturday
Kudi Saturday Saturday
Kudi Saturday Saturday
Kudi Saturday Saturday
Kudi Saturday Saturday

Stupid chorus.

Hanji fir ek baar dekho aaya shanivaar
Party karne ke liye baby ji ho gayi taiyyar

Look, it's saturday again
Baby's ready to start partying

So, yeah, like established earlier, she's a party hoe and only looks forward to saturdays.

Sarojni ke kapde pehen ke jaati madam disco
VIP me complimentary shots bhi de do isko

She goes to the disco wearing Sarojni's clothes
Give her complimentary shots in the VIP

 ...does she even know who Sarojini is? Or what kind of clothes she wore?

Sarojini Naidu

Alia Bhatt

If you're going to make a dumb song, at least don't disrespect one of India's most respected women.

Isko gaadi chahiye lambi
Usme music chahiye LOUD

She wants a car that's long
And it must have music that's loud

Are we really sure it's a long car that she wants? Cuz, given her reputation and the flow of this song...it could be something else...

Ye jaati mehenge club me
Jahaan hota dhang ka CROWD

She goes to an expensive club
Where there's a certain crowd

Well, obviously, you go to a cheap club wearing clothes like that, you're gonna end up as the headline of next day's newspaper...and not in a good way. And, she wants a good crowd...figures...

Ludhiyane se aai ladki university padhti hai
Kehti to hai student hai, But I DOUBT!

The girl from Ludhiana goes to university
She says she's a student, but I doubt!

Whole movie revolves around the fact that they're in the same university (or something) and this is what the song has. Hence proving, the song writers have nothing to do with the movie. They suck separately.

Mundeya de palle vi tu chadeya ni kakh
Jado Sunday Monday kare tera jhutte khanda lakk

You have left the boys with nothing
Your waist swings right to left while you walk

So, boys that go after her are now broke...she's also a gold digger.

Aati Honda mein, Audi mein jati tu khisak
Suck.. suck.. Baby What the F***

She comes in a Honda, leaves in an Audi
Suck.. suck.. baby what the f***

She comes in a shitty car and leaves with some rich guy's Audi cuz gold digger. And.. was that censor really required...?

Apart from that, the song is pretty similar, describing a party girl who gets everyone's attention because of her clothes and behaviour.

P.S: 1) If that video was posted on Redtube, it wouldn't be removed. 
2) She wears more sets of clothes in a 3 minute video than I do in an entire week
3) Yes, this is like a Hindi Musical Autopsy, let me know if I should continue doing this.

I just realised I haven't raged at Bollywood yet, well, incoming!

Let's start with the basics...what is up with the name? Bollywood. It's pronounced as ball-y-wood. 'Ball-y' is bad enough but, 'wood'?

You know what ball-y wood looks like?


Well jokes apart. That's a pretty bad name. And it's nothing related to India either. There's no different meaning to it in Hindi or anything.

The general sequence of every romantic movie...

1. This:


But, yeah, there are a lot of ads before the movie begins.

2. One good-looking hero and heroine.

3. Either boy is rich or girl is rich. And the other is dirt poor.


4. The girl hates the guy at first,


Yet, love blossoms out of hate. (more like the guy pesters her till she loves him)


5. A father (the girl's father most of the times) opposing the relationship due to cultural differences or family feuds






and eventually sets her up with someone else a.k.a the villain.



6. Action scene between the two guys


even if not that,





OR

in a non-action movie, the heroine runs away with the hero, in a stupid manner.


7. Credits roll while they're celebrating or getting married.

8. Bloopers if it's a YRF movie.